major no-nos

When we sit down at a table (or online) to roleplay, there are many things that you would not expect to come up. There is an unwritten social contract that everyone expects to be adhered to, but no one really wants to address. Quite frankly, they shouldn’t have to address it. Most of it is common sense and anything that doesn’t seem that way should be cued in body language. Let’s talk about it.

Anything sexual! Interparty and NPC romances, or intimate relations can be fun to play, but there is a point where a “black curtain” must fall. This is not just because it’ll quickly become X rated, but it also becomes awkward among all players. Non-consensual actions are a HARD PASS! We are GMs, we should be giving our players agency at every turn and this includes relationships. However, if it becomes unwanted, we must step in. If a player becomes uncomfortable with the advances of another, talk to those involved. If it doesn’t stop, ask the pushy player to leave, even if it is the GM.

Bullying! Using real or perceived power over another is not just rude, but can be considered bullying. This will quickly result in a complete civil war around the table and players WILL take it personally. As GMs, this is a fine balance which can be mitigated with player agency. Allowing the characters to retreat and/or retaliate can keep it from being overwhelming (afterall, isn’t this most of the battles…to take out an oppressor?). However, if this becomes a problem at the table, take that player aside and discuss it directly and immediately. If the action continues, ask that player to leave, even if it is the GM.

Not listening to the players. This one I’m talking to the GMs. If one of the players brings up a problem, you must address it. Do not pass the responsibility to someone else. Apologize if necessary for not catching the issue yourself, then DO SOMETHING! Allowing it to go on, there will be tension in the group and it will take away some of the trust that had been built between all the players. Talk to the player creating the problem, if it continues, ask that player to leave.

Some of these things can be avoided simply by watching the body language of your players. A lot can be seen when they are uncomfortable or disagree with what might be happening. Some signs to watch out for: checking out, not making eye contact, nervous giggling, shocked expressions, shaking heads, leaving the table for a break, and that’s just a start. There are body language experts who have written books or speak about this on YouTube. Do some research if you are not sure about what to look for.

I will leave you with a final thought. Asking someone to leave your table is not easy, but it is better for everyone involved. It keeps the other players feeling safe and supported. It shows that you are not going to accept this kind of behavior. Once these bitter, guilty, and uneasy feelings subside, your group will be stronger than ever.